As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
