Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
