When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
