Got a toothbrush?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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