I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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