your room smells of hookers.
And success
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
