My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
there's paper in my vomit.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
