she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
