i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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