What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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