you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
