I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
