Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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