I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So squirting runs in the family.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
