did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
