The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
