Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
