some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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