I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
