Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
