So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
