I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
