Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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