6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
