i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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