dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
