Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
