Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
