i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
