I didn't shave. On purpose
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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