we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
