Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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