your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
