I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
