i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
