i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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