There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
