God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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