i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
