Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
