I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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