Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
