I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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