His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
