So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize