Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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