i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
