DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
