Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I need moral support for this bender
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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