Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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