Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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