yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
