His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I licked your asshole in confidence.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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