exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
