After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
