how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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