I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
