So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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