Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
