she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
