Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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