I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
BRING THE BAGELS
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
