what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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