I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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