ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
