You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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