Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Dear god my vagina.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
