batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
