Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
