I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you didnt know i had herpes?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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