You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm at about main and main street
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She's not a foreskin expert like you
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
