I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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