As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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