So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
