If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
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