How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
