What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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