My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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