my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
