we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
