I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just gargled with NyQuil
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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