i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
