omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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