my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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