i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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