dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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