Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
