So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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