the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
