conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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