I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
