The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
