He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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