we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
