I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
