I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
