I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I could make wine with my vomit
my sisters under your porch take her home
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
