The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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