I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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