no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
