is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
