he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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