They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
