I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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