remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
