i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
