I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
