Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
