WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
